


The Walls (Knock to the Head)

by samidha



Category: Justified
Genre: Comment Fic, F/M, Madness, POV Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/samidha
Summary: Just like every time.





	The Walls (Knock to the Head)

Pristine. The walls of this place had been pristine once. The walls that hold him in, like he’s someone to keep children safe from, like he’s a threat.

”How’re ya doin’ today, Raylan?” she asks, watches one of his hands go up to tug his hat down, his hat that hasn’t been stolen yet.

”Deputy Marshal Raylan Givens reportin’ for duty, sir,” he says.

Just like every time.

She forces herself to keep eye contact. She won’t look at the ground, at his shoes with the laces removed.

”Whatcha do today ’fore I got here?”

”Sir, it’s about the accident in the mine--”

She keeps eye contact, but she doesn’t answer. Doesn’t have to.

”I saw Boyd Crowder rigging a blasting cap, sir, and I think--”

She can take a lot, especially from Raylan, the boy whose name is on countless pages of notebook paper wreathed in hearts and the occasional butterfly. Being addressed as sir, though, like she isn’t even there, like he isn’t seeing her at all... That always gets her. It happens every day, but it makes her stomach go sour every time.

”Listen up, soldier,” she says. ”You made it out alive, and you’re safe. You just keep that in min’, leave off thinkin’ about Boyd Crowder. Ain’t nothin’ gonna bring him back, Raylan.”

”I saw him, sir.”

Down the hall, laughter starts up, long and loud.

She can take a lot, especially for Raylan.

”Thing like this, got his name all over it. He used to do it to rats, ’stead of shootin’ em. He likes ’em crispy-fried. Gives him a sense of accomplishment.”

Eye contact. She can do this. ”Raylan, you’re not a--”

”Has his name all over it. I’m sure.”

She sighs. ”Okay, Raylan, listen.”

He looks her in the eye now, maybe like he _is_ listening, but she’s been fooled before.

”Boyd’s gone, Raylan. He’s gone. You don’t have to worry yourself none no more about him. S’between him and his maker now.”

”But I’m sure, sir, if you just--”

She stands up. She can take a lot for Raylan Givens, but he isn’t the boy he was six months ago, shoulder to shoulder with Boyd when he lost his footing, couldn’t scramble back up out of the hole fast enough.

Didn’t make it.

He isn’t the boy he was on the day Boyd Crowder didn’t make it.

Now he eats pudding three times a day to go with the little blue pills they make sure to watch him take. Now he has no shoelaces, but at least he has the hat.

She found it for him, and he likes it, and at least there’s that.

This weekend she’ll marry Bowman Crowder, do her best to steer clear of his father, and she may not ever come and see Raylan again, but she’ll have to live with that.

She got him the hat. He likes the hat.

She can take a lot, especially for Raylan.

But she can’t wait forever for a train that just ain’t gonna pull into the station.

She can’t wait forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Commentfic from a woman-character-centric meme from what I remember.


End file.
